The other day M was playing with daddy when daddy left to use the restroom. M came over to me and had this conversation with me:
M: Mom, I know how boys go potty!
Me: You do? Who told you?
M: My friend at school.
Me, very interested now: How do boys go potty M?
M: they go potty through their belly buttons while they stand up.
Me: They do!!!
M, very proud of herself: Yep!
Me: Your silly M. Do you want to know how boys really go potty? (not sure I want to answer but I guess she needs to learn)
M: No thanks mom. (and goes back to playing)
I was prepared to tell the truth but I don't want to force her to hear it. When she is ready I guess I will tell her. I tried telling her at least that boys belly buttons have nothing to do with going to the potty but I'm not sure she believed me! She is growing up!
5 comments:
i would say she's old enough to be getting some basic information. whether she says yes or no. maybe you should start looking for resources for teaching children about their bodies and sex and thinking about how you can give her basic info. i'm a pretty strong believer in information helping prevent possibly negative and destructive attitudes about sex forming in the first place. not to mention information helping preserve her safety and the trust between you as her parents and her if she ever needed to tell you something. i wouldn't wait if i were you.
I have missed reading your family's adventures! I lost your blog address in the computer switch-over...but now we're back online!
That is funny!
R used to but he's more knowledgable, and L thinks right now that girls only have one private, their bottoms. Because boys have a penis and girls will get breasts.
I think the boys might feel a bit of pity for me that I'm "lacking" ;-) In fact they each laughed at me when they learned that I didn't have the same equipment as they did!
I actually think our school system does a good job of teaching age appropriate material - yes, I know lots of people might say teach your kids before the school does... and I agree when kids get older is important to talk about morality with kids before they learn about sex ed in school - but for a five year old, I don't think they need to know anymore than where their "privates" are and that those privates are private... Just my two cents!
Here's my thinking:
1. our bodies are not shameful and making them secret or something kids aren't supposed to know about sends the message that they are shameful, even if you don't mean to send that message.
2. kids interacting with other kids are going to get misinformation. isn't it better to be proactive and make sure they aren't thinking not only wrong things in terms of what's factual, but also in terms of what's appropriate?
3. do you really want the public school system setting the standard for instructing your kids in such an important topic? even in something like the timeline of doing so?
4. i hate to be negative, but the fact is we live in a world where there are people who do horrible things to children. we have family friends whose son was sexually abused when he was very small--younger than M. sexual predators play on both a child's fear of disapproval and on a fairly common sense of shame attached to the human body (a sense of shame that is often created and fostered by parents failing to talk to children about their bodies) in order to keep their victims from telling their parents what has happened to them. heaven forbid such a thing every happen to M or B or any other child. But if it does, wouldn't it be better that the child understand that their bodies are not shameful? that it's okay to be talking about their bodies with their parents? isn't there enough of a hurdle to telling what's happened without also adding the burden of implying to your children that their bodies and their 'privates' are something not to be talked about because they're somehow shameful? teaching kids about their bodies and how they are different from other peoples bodies can help establish a relationship of trust between parents and children that could help prevent abuse in the future. don't you want to do everything you can to prevent such a possibility?
i'm not suggesting you tell them everything there is to know when they're as young as M is. i'm simply suggesting that there should be openness and information about the body. and that they be taught the facts about their bodies in an age-appropriate manner beginning early, rather than waiting so long that misinformation and shame take hold.
and i say this as someone whose parents hardly every said a word on the topic. i think their approach was wrong. not unhelpful or one of several choices. i think it was wrong.
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